


Teen Tight-Uns

by Darklady



Series: Hornet-verse [4]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Crack, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-14
Updated: 2011-12-14
Packaged: 2017-10-27 08:03:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/293512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darklady/pseuds/Darklady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The movie-bust fall-out continues... and it's strange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teen Tight-Uns

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters. I don't own this video either. ( Can't even get a copy.) DC owns the characters and they don't make this sort of video. (Too Damn Bad.) Guess the story is mine. No one else would want it. (Film rights available *real cheap*)
> 
> Please note that the membership of the Teen Titians is that of 2002… which is not consistent in my series or in the DCU. Not that it matters. The jokes are still bad.
> 
> Also: No underage 'toons were corrupted in the making of this fic.

"Hey! Movie Night?" Roy Harper shouted as he swung though the door to the Titans rec room." Hey, girls, got anything for..." He dodged around Argent to dump his quiver on a surplus chair. The young heroine gave him a nasty look and handed it back. Just like him, she thought. No help, more work.

"Not for Lian, I'm afraid." Donna Troy answered, making a general gesture at the circle of chairs where Toni Monetti was setting up equipment. "Jessie and Wally have called a general session to review a legal matter. Something down from the Justice League."

"So that's what's with the video set-up? KLEX say something nasty about vigilantes again?" From his tone, Roy didn't give a rat. And didn't care who knew it. And would skip out if he could.

"Just be here." Toni's tone was friendly but firm. "And make damn sure Chandra keeps your kid in her room. This is a business meeting. Grown-ups only!"

TT (^V^) TT (^V^) TT (^V^)

Toni was late herself. Trusting Roy could be iffy where denying Lian was concerned, so she had a word with Chandra herself. Nightwing had made this very clear. This was a business meeting - not a party. Although, she looked around the room, a party might get fewer people. All the regular Titans were there, plus Logan and Flamebird from the West Coast branch, and even a few inactive members like Pantha. There were also two strangers. Men in dark suits. DEO maybe? No time to ask. Jessie Quick was standing even as Toni slipped into her seat.

"Thank you for coming, gentlemen." Jessie's voice was grave. " My fellow Titans. Thank you also. This is a serious matter referred to us from the Justice League, and we will need a vote on how to proceed. First, however, we should view the film in contention. Damage?" Jessie nodded at the young hero nearest the door. "If you would get the lights?"

"Miss Toni Monetti?" Argent turned, surprised to hear one of the 'suits address her by name. "We will need you to appoint a proxy as you are underage. You may return and vote when the presentation is over."

What! she thought. Like I'm not a Titan! Since when does some stiff in a suit tell us how to run? She looked at her leader.

"Sorry, Argent" Flash responded. "Not my choice, but as long as you’re under 18, the suits rule."

"I don't think..." she started, only to freeze at a look from Nightwing.

"Please, Miss Monetti." The other suit broke in, "This is a matter for the adult Titans only, and as such..."

Jessie intervened. "We will call you gentlemen back when we are ready to proceed."

"I had assumed..." It was the suits turn to object.

"Exactly as you said." By tone, Jessie left no room for compromise. If Argent would not be there, neither would the suits. Well, that was something. "This is a matter for Titans Only. A confidential matter. You may wait with Argent in the lounge and as her attorney answer such legal questions as she may have."

TT (^V^) TT (^V^) TT (^V^)

Lawyers? Screw that. Argent might have to wait in the lounge, but there was *no way* she was talking to lawyers. She could get that bullshit at home. She grabbed a handful of fashion magazines and prepared to ignore the creeps. All night, if need be.

It was three 'Moda Italia’s', two Vogue France, and fifty-five minutes later when the thick door opened, and a grim-faced Jessie Quick looked out. “You can come in now.”

The suits scrambled to their feet, brief cases clattering.

"Not you, gentlemen." She said as she waved Argent forward. "The Titans council is ready for debate. Argent alone has the right to join us."

TT (^V^) TT (^V^) TT (^V^)

Argent faltered at the solemn circle of faces. "What's wrong", she asked as Cyborg carefully closed the soundproof door behind them.

It locked with a distinct click.

In unison the frowns vanished.

"Argent, Doll." Logan chimed in immediately "Did you ever miss the movie!"

She stared, shocked. "This is about a film?

"Porno film," Roy answered, "staring yours truly and a supporting cast of mostly everyone here." He spread his arms to include the gathering. " A lot of previous members you don't know so well, but still? You've just got to howl!" He laughed, just thinking about it. " Got to!"

"Story’s stupid." Logan shrugged " OK, non-existent. And the acting is lame, but..."

"Trust Logan to notice the acting." Cyborg snapped back. "You wanna try out?

"Hey!" the Changeling defended himself. "The actor playing me was the only one who didn't miss lines."

Firebird hugged him, laughing. "That's 'cause a green poodle doesn't HAVE lines."

"So?" Logan smiled, "He didn't blow them. Blew something else, but…"

"Hey", the golden cyborg interrupted, "Let her watch for herself, green genes."

"You should" Donna giggled. "You really should. Ghod, Toni, this thing is such a hoot."

"Way out." Wally agreed. "This one’s wilder then the Justice League version."

Argent gasped. "Someone made a porno about the Justice League?!? And Lived?"

"Yeh!" the Flash answered with obvious satisfaction at being the bearer of unbelievable news. " Bludhaven has some snitch who caught it and told Batman. The Bat told Big Blue, who turned it over to the law-lickers, who came to us for permission to sue any and all asses involved. General session voted to go along. So that's that."

"Not to the Batman, I bet." Roy made a show of shuddering at the thought.

"Well?" Wally paused to consider the matter. "He's not in the League right now, so I can't say."

Polite lie, Argent thought. I wouldn't want to be them.

"Ah, he probably has a copy." Damage seemed pleased at the idea. "Bet he's got Catwoman on the sofa having a good time right now."

Nightwing gave him the LOOK .

"OK, I take it back." Damage held up both hands in mock surrender, "The cowl probably never has a good time."

Kory nodded at agreement at that, then smiled at her silver friend. "You will, though. It was truly funny."

"Titans." Nightwing struggled to keep a straight face. "This is NOT a humorous matter."

"Like hell." Roy answered. "I died laughing, man."

"Yeh!" Damage agreed "I gotta get a copy for my own collection. Hello Saturday night!"

"Hey, Damage," Roy broke in, "roll it back to the bit with the mermaid."

Logan clearly objected. "Nah, start if from the first. Better that way. You don't want her to miss the bit with the plastic dolphin. Killer!"

Tempest winced, but said nothing.

"Is there time?" Argent thought of the lawyers waiting just outside the door. She also thought that, lawyers or not, she *had* to see this. Somehow.

"No sweat." Roy considered the point, " We'll just fast forward through the dialogue. ‘Sides, they're on the clock so what do they care if they wait?"

Kory added "A lot of the previous members you don't know so well, but still. It is just *so* funny. You'll die at the part where Arsenal takes the arrow and - thwack, right up Pantha's …”

"He didn't!" Argent gasped, not sure if she should be horrified or intrigued. It was, like , horrible, but it was like...well.....

"Well, *he* didn't , of course." Donna answered in the 'mother' voice. "They did."

"Crappy, cheap special effects." Logan added, "but as long as it gets the idea across? So Schway!"

"Such Swarbage!" Nightwing countered, only to be ignored.

"And the scene where Cyborg went down on the computer and the cable went up his... well " Kory added, "It was crazy. Dick had to hold me to my chair!”

“I object to that!” Wally interjected. “That was a Mac! I have a Mac! My Mac would *never* go down on me!”

Cyborg streached out to sock the speedster’s shoulder, but Kory just ignored him.

“It was nothing compared to Nightwing licking his own cock, though" Kory turned to her former lover, a new thought suddenly entering her mind. "Could you even *do* that?" She asked the Black-clad man behind her.

Nightwing hesitated, clearly preferring not to answer. Kory just waited, expectant, until "Never tried it." He shifted slightly, an isometric move that tested muscle range. "Probably. But the risk of biting?" He shook his head.

OUCH! Argent winced at the image.

While the conversation had moved on, Damage had started the tape. Credits past, the first scene opened with two women sitting on a couch. Argent stared with horror at the screen. "Is that fat bitch ME!?! I'm gonna kill them." She turned to Donna shocked, "I look better then that!"

"Absolutely," the senior Titan agreed. "You've got better clothes too."

"Thanks, Donna." Argent smiled, mollified.

"Hey, we girls should stick together." Firebird added in support.

"You do”, Logan snickered, "in scene four!"

"Not like THAT!" Donna gave him a glare that promised reprisal.

Firebird added "you moron!" almost under her breath. Not low enough, however, since the emerald annoyance clearly overheard.

"No offense, Firebird." He gave her his falsest innocent look. "I'm just saying you were *hot*."

"Me, yes!" Firebird pointed at the lumpy blond on the screen. "Her, NO!"

"Excuse me!" Jessie Quick cut through the quips. " May I remind you we have a minor here? Which means you will turn *off* that set right this minute, and…"

Damage tossed the remote at Jessie, who caught it midflight and was pointing at towards the television when...

"Wait!" Argent cried, holding out her hand. "Give me that thing! I think I had a close-up."

TT (^V^) TT (^V^) TT (^V^)

Tempest ushered the attorneys into the room full of stiff faced heroes.

"My apologies, gentlemen." Jessie Quick greeted them in serious tones suited for a leader of industry and moral icon. "You must understand our reputation is a most serious issue, and we had several questions to review in detail."

Argent hid a smile. Re-viewed often, she thought, and in great detail.

"We are, quite naturally, outraged. You may inform Mr. Kane and the other legal representatives of the Justice League that the Titans will join them in the suit for suppression of this film."  
The others nodded, grim in agreement.

"Oh, and we'll need copies. This film, and all the others in the lawsuit. For our historical archives, you understand."

 

*Please Rewind*

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©KKR 2011


End file.
